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“You don’t need to be a fireplace to get a golden shower from me.”

“You don’t need to be a fireplace to get a golden shower from me.”

“Is that Claire-de-la-Lune I taste?”

“Is that Claire-de-la-Lune I taste?”

“I’d like to discover your ‘pressure points,’ if you get what I mean.”

“I’d like to discover your ‘pressure points,’ if you get what I mean.”

“You don’t need your mind palace to know my porn preference.”

“You don’t need your mind palace to know my porn preference.”

“I think you’re funnier than Lord Smallwood’s letters.”

“I think you’re funnier than Lord Smallwood’s letters.”

“Flicking isn’t the only thing I’d like to do to your face.”

“Flicking isn’t the only thing I’d like to do to your face.”

“My cock is good for more than just peeing in fireplaces.”

“My cock is good for more than just peeing in fireplaces.”

“Forget Appledore… Make me your Applewhore.”

“Forget Appledore… Make me your Applewhore.”

The best of the villains, from BBC Sherlock Pick-Up Lines (excluding Moriarty because otherwise he’d be the entire photoset).

The best of the villains, from BBC Sherlock Pick-Up Lines (excluding Moriarty because otherwise he’d be the entire photoset).

“I need condoms so big, people call me Charles Augustus Magnum-sen.”

“I need condoms so big, people call me Charles Augustus Magnum-sen.”

“Knowing is owning, but that’s not why I want to get to know you.”

“Knowing is owning, but that’s not why I want to get to know you.”

“The whole world is wet to my touch, and it’s not because of my sweating condition.”

“The whole world is wet to my touch, and it’s not because of my sweating condition.”

“People like you deserve to be kissed. That’s why there are people like me.”

“People like you deserve to be kissed. That’s why there are people like me.”

“I would propose to you even if I didn’t need to break into your boss’s office.”

“I would propose to you even if I didn’t need to break into your boss’s office.”

“I’m going to write you a love letter… I don’t have to prove it; I just have to print it.”

“I’m going to write you a love letter… I don’t have to prove it; I just have to print it.”

The best of His Last Vow, from BBC Sherlock pick-up lines.

The best of His Last Vow, from BBC Sherlock pick-up lines.

The best of Charles Augustus Magnussen, from BBC Sherlock Pick-Up Lines.

The best of Charles Augustus Magnussen, from BBC Sherlock Pick-Up Lines.

“I want to have more meetings with you than Magnussen had with the prime minister.”

“I want to have more meetings with you than Magnussen had with the prime minister.”

“Forget mind palaces… Wanna see my mind sex dungeon?”

“Forget mind palaces… Wanna see my mind sex dungeon?”

“I would murder a blackmailing newspaper proprietor for you.” Based on a suggestion by madspades.

“I would murder a blackmailing newspaper proprietor for you.” Based on a suggestion by madspades.

“You make me wetter than a fireplace that’s just met Magnussen.”

“You make me wetter than a fireplace that’s just met Magnussen.”

Happy new year, Tumblr! Hope it’s not meretricious ;) I made this late at night so it might not be funny now, but I dunno– I think the world might actually be a better place with Mrs. Hudson ruling it.

Happy new year, Tumblr! Hope it’s not meretricious ;) I made this late at night so it might not be funny now, but I dunno– I think the world might actually be a better place with Mrs. Hudson ruling it.

“I’m not a dragon for you to slay… I’m a dragon for you to lay.”

“I’m not a dragon for you to slay… I’m a dragon for you to lay.”

“I’d love your mind even if it wasn’t a palace.”

“I’d love your mind even if it wasn’t a palace.”

“Your face isn’t the only part of you I’d like to lick.”

“Your face isn’t the only part of you I’d like to lick.”

“Magnussen saw that my weakness is you.”Submitted by anonymous.

“Magnussen saw that my weakness is you.”Submitted by anonymous.

“I bet I could lick your face way better than Magnussen did.”

“I bet I could lick your face way better than Magnussen did.”

“I would let you take a bite of my Appledore.”

“I would let you take a bite of my Appledore.”

“You’re hotter than the bonfire I put John in.”

“You’re hotter than the bonfire I put John in.”

“You’re not like Magnussen’s spectacles… You are anything but ordinary.”

“You’re not like Magnussen’s spectacles… You are anything but ordinary.”

“When you said you were on tinder, I realize you meant buried in Magnussen’s bonfire, but I’d still like to swipe right.”

“When you said you were on tinder, I realize you meant buried in Magnussen’s bonfire, but I’d still like to swipe right.”

“I would love you even if you peed in my fireplace.”

“I would love you even if you peed in my fireplace.”

“I’m gonna need something bigger than Appledore to store all the reasons why I love you.”

“I’m gonna need something bigger than Appledore to store all the reasons why I love you.”

“Magnussen shouldn’t be the only one who knows how you taste.”

“Magnussen shouldn’t be the only one who knows how you taste.”

“Are you the night Magnussen got shot? Because I’d like to slap my ‘D-notice’ on your ‘incident.’“

“Are you the night Magnussen got shot? Because I’d like to slap my ‘D-notice’ on your ‘incident.’“

Remember the good ol’ days when Redbeard was just a dog? Ssh, it’s okay… Have some vintage season three mind palace crack to make it all better.

Remember the good ol’ days when Redbeard was just a dog? Ssh, it’s okay… Have some vintage season three mind palace crack to make it all better.

Poor Perry. First the panda and now this…Okay, this one’s totally self-indulgent and I apologize. I just finished watching Phineas and Ferb in its entirety not long ago and I have a lot of Doofenshmirtz feels. I swear the self-insert wasn’t

Poor Perry. First the panda and now this…Okay, this one’s totally self-indulgent and I apologize. I just finished watching Phineas and Ferb in its entirety not long ago and I have a lot of Doofenshmirtz feels. I swear the self-insert wasn’t

benedictcumberbatchruinedme: See here…this is where Charles Augustus Magnussen re-evaluates John’s pressure points. [x,x]

benedictcumberbatchruinedme: See here…this is where Charles Augustus Magnussen re-evaluates John’s pressure points. [x,x]

corneliapornelia: I don’t think Magnussen is Mary’s lover and that the baby isn’t John’s (come on people, how tacky wouldn’t that be). Here’s what I think: 1. Mary is an orphan 2. CAM = Charles Augustus Magnussen 3. “Wish your family could

corneliapornelia: I don’t think Magnussen is Mary’s lover and that the baby isn’t John’s (come on people, how tacky wouldn’t that be). Here’s what I think: 1. Mary is an orphan 2. CAM = Charles Augustus Magnussen 3. “Wish your family could

johnlock-at-221b: YOU KNOW WHAT NOW I BET CHARLES AUGUSTUS MAGNUSSEN DIDNT DIE EITHER

johnlock-at-221b: YOU KNOW WHAT NOW I BET CHARLES AUGUSTUS MAGNUSSEN DIDNT DIE EITHER

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