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“Forget the hanging in Wandsworth– I’d like to take a ‘professional’ interest in how well you’re hung.â€
“Unprincipled drug addict or not, I’ll gladly be your gentleman hero.â€
“I would give you dancing lessons even if it meant your Sign Language needed work.â€
“Are you a future world? Because I have a conjecture of how I might fit inside you.â€
“Are you Emelia Ricoletti’s ghost? Because I want you to be my boo.â€
“I would kick Moriarty over a waterfall for you.â€
“My feelings for you are so blindingly obvious, even Lestrade could work them out.â€
“My love for you is increasing faster than Mycroft’s weight.â€
“I must go deep into myself to solve this case… but first I’d like to be deep into you.â€
“I don’t care whether you’re a Viennese alienist or a retired army surgeon– you can ask me any curious questions you like.â€
“If Moriarty suggested that you and I elope, I would not find it impertinent or offensive.â€
“Forget literary criticism by means of satire. I won’t be talking because my mouth will be preoccupied.â€
“The only papers I want floating in my mind palace are love letters from you.â€
“I’m a storyteller. I know when I’m in one. And meeting you was clearly my happily ever after.â€
“Communicating in the Diogenes Club isn’t the only thing I can do with these hands.â€
“I would leave a note at the scene of a crime I didn’t commit just to ask if you missed me.â€
“I may have addressed over forty percent of my remarks to your decanter, but what I’m really thirsty for is you.â€
“Is your name Hooper? Because you’d be the most beautiful woman in the room even if you had a mustache.â€
“Are you a loaded firearm in the pocket of my dressing gown? Because I want to finger you.â€
“Are you Emelia Ricoletti? Because you got my attention in very efficient fashion.â€
“Your admirably high arches aren’t the only thing I noticed as soon as you stepped into the room.â€
“From a drop of water, a logician should be able to infer the possibility of an Atlantic or a Niagara, but they’re gonna need a hell of a lot more than that to infer how wet I can make you.â€
“Don’t take Moriarty’s word for it. Come see for yourself how surprisingly comfortable my bed is.â€
“Are you a drug? Because you alleviate boredom and occasionally heighten my thought processes.â€
“Will you be the pipe to my Holmes? I want you in my mouth.â€
“If you thought The Abominable Bride pushed you to mental and physical extremes, you should see what I can do in the bedroom.â€
“Forget morphine or cocaine. I get plenty high just off of your presence.â€
“Are you the dust on Sherlock’s mantle? Because I want to lick you.â€
“I want to be more permanently glued to you than Mycroft’s ever expanding backside is to his spot.â€
“Are you Eustace Carmichael? Because I want to be with you until five orange pips do us part.â€
“It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the landing… Therefore, it wouldn’t kill you to fall for me.â€
“If you were Sherlock’s veins, I would be cocaine just so I could get inside of you.â€
“Are you Mary’s pregnancy? Because I noticed you before anyone else did.â€
“Did Holmes learn about jets from you? Because you’re pretty fly.â€
“You don’t need to put on a mustache in order to examine my body.â€
“If someone accused me of loving you, I’d be guiltier than a brother with a green ladder.â€
“I get lost in your eyes easier than other people get lost in the Carmichaels’ hedge maze.â€
“Are you from a future world? Because I want to get your telephone contraption number.â€
“If you were a Baskerville Hound, I would get drugged on purpose just to see you.â€
“I want to say ‘I love you’ to you more often than Holmes says ‘features of interest.’“
“My balls are bluer than the carbuncle Watson wrote about.â€
“Do you have a feet fetish? Because my game is afoot.â€
“Anyone could be the Abominable Bride, but only you could be my bride.â€
“You’re more important to me than finding Emelia Ricoletti’s substitute corpse.â€
“My name may be Diamond, but you’re the one who shines bright like one.â€(Yes, according to the credits, that flight attendant’s name is Diamond.)
“If you think Mycroft is enormous, just wait until you see my dick.â€
“I want my mind palace to have your details so perfect, I won’t need drugs to be immersed in them.â€
“I never understood the murderous jealousy of the one who wrote about the obliquity of the ecliptic until I saw you with another man.â€
“Are you my fridge? Because I want to stick my body parts in you.â€
“I don’t care whether your birthday video is cut or uncut, but I am curious about something else of yours.â€
“Magnussen shouldn’t be the only one who knows how you taste.â€
“I would let you in my house even if you were a reptile.â€
“No balloon could ever be a substitute for you.”
“Are you Eurus’s cell? Because I refuse to stay at least three feet away from you.”
“Would you like to have a night of passion in High Wycombe with me?”
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“You can call me Giles if I can call you mine.”
“Are you Culverton Smith? Because you take my breath away.”
“Are you one of the boys from the cafe? Because I would let you drop me… into your bed.”
“You make me even more incredibly happy than killing human beings does.”